If only
by Star-chan
Summary: *New version added* Gonou, after losing his job turns to his wife to release his temper. Will she be able to forgive him?


If only...  
  
By Star-chan and with lots and lots of changes by Hanei Tamashii  
  
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura-sensei. Therefore, all the characters in this story belongs to her.  
  
Author's note: Minna-san, this is the revised and short version of this story. Exactly like the one I'm submitting in for my school magazine. I'm really sorry cause Gonou is absolutely OOC... gomen nasai! Lots and lots of thanks to my onee-chan for helping me shorten the story, to Chen Lee for co- thinking the plot, and to Kimmy who had helped me beta-read. Arigato!!!!!!  
  


What if time could be reversed? Then, one could then again repeat those twenty-four hours that had passed... indulge themselves in that particular moment that had brought them so much joy and happiness. What if one could think of the consequences of their actions before they act? Then, that someone could prevent that unwanted event from happening... have everything in life happen smoothly. And, what if one could take back all the actions they had done... take back all those painful words that had been said...?  
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
The sky was already dark, Kana tried to walk as fast as she could, nearing the small white house that was her home. She had secretly been working, trying to shoulder part of her husband's burden. It was already past nine and she was late. Her husband's temper flared easily nowadays after he had been sacked and he would probably, no, definitely be angry with her. She rushed in through the door only to find that the house was in darkness. She sighed in relief. Her husband wasn't home from his job-hunting yet. She smiled warmly as she rubbed her swollen stomach. "We're home."  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
The sound of his voice gave her a shock. So, he had returned and he had been drinking again. The stench of alcohol hung in the air. "Erm... I-," she began, but her words were cut off by his sharp comment. "You went to see him, didn't you? You whore!" he shouted and slapped her hard across her face. He didn't allow her to defend herself as he continued hitting her. "I even doubt that the baby in your stomach is mine!" he accused sharply. Despite the tears that rolled down her cheeks, her desperate pleas to stop, he didn't listen. He was trapped in his own dreary delusional world.  
  
Only a few minutes had passed by but it felt like hours when he finally stopped.  
  
"Kana..." he whispered softly. Kana slowly met his eyes. Those eyes looked almost tender again, just like before. Yes, he was all right now...he was back to normal. But the moment he spoke again, she was proven wrong. His venomous tongue kept accusing her of her phantom affair, over and over again. He removed the belt from his waist and whipped her. "Kana, why did you betray me?!" he yelled. "Why???"  
  
She wanted to deny his false accusations but the words seemed to be caught in her throat. Kana closed her eyes, unwilling to watch any longer as her beloved continued to hurt her. What had happened to him? Where was the man that she had come to love? The abusive man before her couldn't possibly be him, could he? Nothing made sense now; the world was beginning to spin off in a gray kaleidoscope. At the brink of slipping off into the inviting darkness, she thought she heard him, his warm soothing voice. "I'll protect you Kana. Forever."  
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
The moment he got up, the throbbing pain of his head weighed him down. It took him a moment to clear the haze in his mind. He remembered the rejections, the same excuses. Nobody had wanted to hire him, believing the lies his previous company had framed him for. He had began drinking again, to drown away the feeling of guilt, of helplessness for being unable to support the family. Then he recalled the need to put the blame on someone, anyone but him. He didn't understand why, but the moment he saw her entering the door, he was blinded with rage. Why was she home late again?  
  
Then, he noticed the empty space beside him. Where was she now? Gonou tiredly pulled himself out of bed and checked the bathroom. She wasn't there. When he finally found her, she was lying motionlessly in the living room, and red, viscous blood pooled beneath her thigh. "KANA!!!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
Everything happened like a blur. The paramedics came and brought her away, the haunting sound of the siren somewhere in the background. Now waiting outside the operation theater, he was thrown into a swirl of confused emotions. Had he done all that to her? The painful red welts, the bruises...the blood. The door finally opened and a weary looking nurse asked him to enter the operation room.  
  
"Mr. Cho, your wife is in a critical condition..." the doctor hurriedly explained. Gonou couldn't decipher what the doctor was saying, his eyes glued onto Kana's limp body. The only phrase he had heard was the surgeon's last sentence. "You have to let one of them go... your wife, or the baby. However if you decide to abort the baby, chances are that she won't be able to bear any children in the future. Sir, please consider this carefully and decide."  
  
"De-cide?"  
  
Gonou's eyes were wide. In his mind's eye he saw her smiling face. The happiness that glowed from her when they found out she was pregnant. The child... how could he forget about the child she carried?  
  
He crumpled onto the ground. He loved her, both her and the child. He never wanted to hurt them both. The doctor squatted down beside him and softly spoke to him, sympathy audible in his voice. "Sir, have you decided?"  
  
Kana. It had to be Kana. He knew he couldn't live without her.  
  
"My wife. Please save my wife!"  
  
"I'll try my best sir."  
  
"No!" It was Kana. She had awoken somehow. "Gonou... the baby. save the baby..." she cried painfully. He went to her side and reached for her hands. "I wouldn't be able to live knowing we had lost her. I know it's a her." She smiled. "Just this once Gonou... please... for me."  
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
Once again, Gonou found himself slumping on the bench outside the operating theater. The only thing he could do was to lament on his actions. He prayed to God that He could forgive him... that He could just fulfill his prayer this time. Time passed by slowly, mocking him as the seconds passed. When the doors opened for the second time, Gonou abruptly stood up. A nurse walked towards him, carrying a bundle in her arms.  
  
"It's a girl."  
  
Even as he held her, he couldn't stop staring at the little miracle. Was she... real?  
  
The doctor walked up to Gonou and gravely patted him on the back. "I'm sorry... Your wife passed away a few minutes after the baby was delivered... I'm sorry sir, we tried our best..." Uncontrollable tears came flooding down his face when he fully realized the impact of his actions... how foolish he had been. But now, it was all too late, what that had been done cannot be changed... She was gone.

  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


  
And so, if one could take back all the actions they had done... take back all those painful words that had been said? That… I can't tell…

~~The End~~  
  
Author's Note: Hope that you all had enjoyed reading this fic. Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated. There probably will be a longer version... but for now, this is it. Thank you to all of you that had reviewed!  
  
Karcy: Thank you for reviewing my fic! Erm... is the word 'whore' really that bad? Akk... I didn't cut it out!!! Ahhhhhh...... I only cut out the word 'b*tch'... Was this version better than before???  
  
UltraM2000: Sorry for making him so OOC!! Gomen nasai!! And thanks for telling me the right spelling for Kanan's name... although I haven't changed it. Cause, if I wrote Kanan... then IF it's ever chosen for the school mag... then, most of them will like say... "Kanan?? Right??"... But, don't worry! I'll change the spelling when I have the time! And you're not wrong in what you said in the last sentence... Hope you enjoyed this version!  
  
Chocolate: Thanks for taking the time to drop down a comment on this fic! Sorry that Gonou was terribly OOC... but there was no other alternative! Gomen nasai!  
  
Gokugurl: Kimmy!! Thank you so much for helping me beta-read!! And can you believe it?? The prefect said it three pages was too long! And so, I had to cut the whole thing short. Somemore even after Hanei help me cut until two pages... She still said it was long... Argh! Say, "if the story nice but teacher don't accept then I also don't know... " Wahhh... And thanks for explaining the uses of an ellipse  
  
Enervate: Wai!! Me where got kejam!... Serena more pakar lar! *gulp* to write like the wind?? That's scary... I'll be so confused that the story won't even make sense! :P Miss you all too!! ^_^.


End file.
